Notes From a Native Daughter

nevver:

• She is attractive, of course, but is that her chief asset? (Try to imagine her ten years from today.)
• Do you want her because she is popular–because other men have wanted her? (Don’t be a copy-cat!)
• Could you spend seven consecutive evenings in her company without being bored? (If the answer is affirmative, it is a good sign.)
• Do you have similar tastes in most things?
• Is she a good sport?
• Is she reasonably healthy?
• Is she a flirt? Does she make you jealous? (Decide whether you can stand the strain; your jealously will persist until you grow indifferent.)
• Are you constantly irritated by some small mannerism of hers? (You can’t be terribly in love.)
• Does she tell lies? Do you mind?
• Is she a nag?
• Is she quarrelsome? (The Bible warns, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”)
• Is she hard on other people? (Don’t judge by her behavior to you.)
• Is she trying to reform you? How do you feel about being reformed?
• Has she tried to boss you? (Maybe you need a boss.)
• Would she put up with all your faults if she knew them?
• When you quarrel, who capitulates first? (A combination of two stubborn mules is bad.)
• Do you agree on children, or a career, or both? (Better settle this beforehand.)
• Does she expect you to support her in a definite style? Could you count on her cooperation in hard times? Would she go to work if necessary?
• Will she help you get ahead? Or will she pull you away from your work?
• Can she handle money?
• If you marry her, will you also be marrying her family?
• Does she let you get around to see your old pals? (If you have been too infatuated to notice, make it a point of finding out.)
• Are you proud to present her to your friends? (If not, reconsider.)
• Do you hope to reform her? (Give up the idea. People change, but not according to plan.)
• Do you know her faults? Are you willing to live with them?
• Do you still think her perfect? (You’re wrong, of course, but marry!)

The Art of Manliness

D. All of the above.

englishprof:

Adrienne Rich: Yes, I do, and I usually say to them—which I also believe to be true—“You were changing your life and you read my book or you read that poem at a point where you could use it, and I’m really glad, but you were changing your life.” Somehow when we are in the process of making…